Should I move even though it could cost me my kids living with me?
GoGvo
Question by Rich S: Should I move even though it could cost me my kids living with me?
OK here it goes, I’m a single dad of 2 beautiful children, a 8yr old girl and a 6yr old boy. I have been the one that has taken care of them since our divorce 6 years ago and honestly Ive been the one that has taken care of them since birth. I am a disabled Vet, and about 6 years ago I got hurt again making it so I could no longer perform my trade. Since then the VA has sent me to school where I received my Masters degree in Network/Internet Security, and a bachelors degree in programming. The problem is where I live and the immediate area/states around THERE ARE NO JOBS. Now while I have been on a disability pension and I am able to live off it (to a certain degree) I feel the major need to get a job. I hate sitting around everyday all day. Granted I have started a few things on my own like a web hosting company, website building, Computer repair and computer/network building, and so much more. None of these things brings in any real money. This may be because I have no money for advertising and it could be many other reasons like everyone around me has no money. Anyways I am considering moving from Maine to either Virgina or Washington DC. Both these places have TONS of great jobs. The problem comes in where my X (understandably) doesn’t want the kids to leave with me. She did say we should ask the kids where they want to live. She said she would respect there wishes. The thing is I don’t know if I can stand to be away from them. Its always been me and the kids. I cant stand the thought of leaving them for a job, but the other end of that same coin how am I any kind of role model if they see me sitting on my butt collecting money. I have done my best to teach them ( as far as there age is concerned) about the benefits of working and not just sitting on welfare, but I’m not leading by example. So the question is (and sorry for being so long winded) do I go get a job and create a good life for me and my kids? Do I stay put and never go anywhere in life? What do I do? I’ll leave this where it is and answer any questions you all have. I just want to know if it is wrong for me to want to get a good job even though it could cost me having the kids live with me.
I will say one more set of things actually. First I am able to give the kids better computers than they have now so we can do video conferencing whenever they want, I know my X would never stop me from talking to them. I also know that if I do do this I will be able to come and see them or bring them to me anytime I want or they want. I will only honestly be 12 hours away by car. My kids can at will decide to come and live with me anytime (my X has already stated that she will respect there wishes), and to my cringing I do have to give my X a bit of props when saying she has lets, just say GROWN UP a lot since we have divorced so I know my kids are safe with her. Anyways thanks for taking the time to read this, and please be brutally honest with your opinions. Thanks
I just want to reply to the couple answers that have came in. First answer no I have not decided to move as of yet. I am debating with myself atm and though comming here might give me a bit more info to work with. The second answer I have to agree with you about asking the kids. I didnt think of that. thank you also I have total plans if I were to do this to do all my homework first and that would include getting a job and a home before moving. Also we have already talked about that type of visitation where her or I would take them for the summer and mix up the holidays. Also we are not at eachothers throts anymore so we dont run to lawyers as much as we used to.
Best answer:
Answer by bagpuss
It does kinda sound like you have already decided to go – sorry but that seems to be the tone that is coming across.
When my kids were younger – I had a chance to double my income, but it would have meant leaving the kids with my ex for 3 months whilst I completed the training course. I chose to stay with the kids (they always come first) I stuck it out, got another opportunity which involved moving but the kids could come with me, and it was only 3/4 hour away from my ex. This meant we were all happy.
xx
Add your own answer in the comments!
I am pretty sure that it would be wrong to ask your kids to decide. That is way too much for them. If they say they want to go with you, they KNOW they are hurting their mother and vice versa.
Please try to work something out with your ex.
Remember, if you move, you have no support out there for the kids. You have no family or sitters. You don’t know the school system, etc.
If you decide to move, find all this out before hand.
Then you and her will have to talk it out. Perhaps she can have them all summer and you can have them during the school year or vice versa. Decide on holidays and figure out when you can come and visit them if they are with their mom.
Try to do this without going to lawyers.
Get out there and find yourself a nice position!
Doing the website hosting, game hosting, and website building can be a nice adjunct to your full-time living. There are plenty of small business owners that need websites built for them.
You can always go pick up the kids to come spend a weekend with you each month, or bring them home with you for the summer. You can correspond with them via phone and e-mail (I have a 6 year old nephew with an e-mail account).
At age 12, a judge will hear them. At 14 they can pick which parent they want to live with.